Monday, May 23, 2011
night of 5/22/11
my college campus, reconfigured. graduation? am-- and ed-- are there. i am heartbroken, stricken, down on my knees by a wrought railing. "i can't believe four years are gone." i've lost so much. am--: "it wasn't four. we left here decades ago. this is a reunion."
Monday, May 16, 2011
night of 5/15/2011
1
i am at the office which is a loose collection of cubicles and tables. behind me some ways is Ca-- who is having some trouble, jittering and shifting. i ask her is she's quit something; she says yes. i say i want to give her some advice but that it's a little strange: remember this time, this discomfort. (i ask: is it smoking? no, it's suger [unintelligible]. no matter.) a couple of weeks from now, you'll be doing better--still you'll suffer, but it will be better, more normal--and then you may think you're safe. you may slip. then is the time to have captured this suffering vividly, and recall it, and know you won't want it to have to come again.
suddenly there is some cataclysm. a bomb? people are running. i am separated from the people i know. i am in some other office building. alien spaceships are descending and buildings are crashing down. finally a group of us is holed up in a conference room. a father has a teenage child who is subject to fits, and somehow he's sitting on me when one starts. the father tells me i'll have to restrain him. i can do that, i was a wrestler. i bind his arms and legs. the fits can take several minutes. the boy turns and bite my shoulder. father: he'll bite. me: there was no biting in wrestling. finally the fit is over. i find that what i thought were wrists i was gripping were his ankles.
a series of disastrous crescendos begins. I look out into the dim exterior and see a mass of people beginning to run. An acidic rain sweeps over the land after them, dissolving whomever it touches. Then a great spaceship, filling the sky, swoops down until it stops just inches above the building. (I think: strange that it would stop just above *our* building; surely there are taller ones around? I begin to suspect I may be in a movie.) Then however the ship begins to pound on the top of the building, and the ceiling shatters.
Some of us run to another room; there are others already hiding here. After we calm down, the room suddenly begins to sway, then lurch. Suddenly I am outside the room and gigantic; I see a crane grabbing the room we were in, which turns out to be a shipping container with windows. No one is operating the crane. The crane throws the container against a wall, and I pick it up. I see some tiny movements but one girl lays before the window, obviously dead. I cry. Some of the others from the previous room find me, and I try to explain.
Later I meet the Hulk and I try to get him to help evacuate, but it doesn't go well, he's too dumb.
2
the protagonist from the previous dream (which is now obviously a movie, and is now someone other than me) is sitting at a desk and talking on the phone. he's wearing Groucho glasses but on closer inspection the nose is a penis. he says: "I'm casting a sex change movie!" his tone suggests hope for his career, but the text tells us that he's grasping at straws.
3
i've come to the hospital to discuss a vasectomy. i was masturbating in the car as i park it and expect to continue later, so i'd like to avoid the inconvenience of putting away my erection. instead i cover it as i walk into he hospital; first with my forearm, then with one of my shoes, which i hold against myself as if it were a natural position to trying to unlace it, which is apparently what my fiddling is supposed to resemble. someone laughs at me on the way in. i'm not really embarrassed; i wonder whether the laugh is because i'm doing something silly with a shoe, or because of the entire charade.
i've gone in the wrong entrance and have to backtrack. i turn a corner and see Me-- from high school. there with her is Ki--. I say: "Oh, fuck."
i am at the office which is a loose collection of cubicles and tables. behind me some ways is Ca-- who is having some trouble, jittering and shifting. i ask her is she's quit something; she says yes. i say i want to give her some advice but that it's a little strange: remember this time, this discomfort. (i ask: is it smoking? no, it's suger [unintelligible]. no matter.) a couple of weeks from now, you'll be doing better--still you'll suffer, but it will be better, more normal--and then you may think you're safe. you may slip. then is the time to have captured this suffering vividly, and recall it, and know you won't want it to have to come again.
suddenly there is some cataclysm. a bomb? people are running. i am separated from the people i know. i am in some other office building. alien spaceships are descending and buildings are crashing down. finally a group of us is holed up in a conference room. a father has a teenage child who is subject to fits, and somehow he's sitting on me when one starts. the father tells me i'll have to restrain him. i can do that, i was a wrestler. i bind his arms and legs. the fits can take several minutes. the boy turns and bite my shoulder. father: he'll bite. me: there was no biting in wrestling. finally the fit is over. i find that what i thought were wrists i was gripping were his ankles.
a series of disastrous crescendos begins. I look out into the dim exterior and see a mass of people beginning to run. An acidic rain sweeps over the land after them, dissolving whomever it touches. Then a great spaceship, filling the sky, swoops down until it stops just inches above the building. (I think: strange that it would stop just above *our* building; surely there are taller ones around? I begin to suspect I may be in a movie.) Then however the ship begins to pound on the top of the building, and the ceiling shatters.
Some of us run to another room; there are others already hiding here. After we calm down, the room suddenly begins to sway, then lurch. Suddenly I am outside the room and gigantic; I see a crane grabbing the room we were in, which turns out to be a shipping container with windows. No one is operating the crane. The crane throws the container against a wall, and I pick it up. I see some tiny movements but one girl lays before the window, obviously dead. I cry. Some of the others from the previous room find me, and I try to explain.
Later I meet the Hulk and I try to get him to help evacuate, but it doesn't go well, he's too dumb.
2
the protagonist from the previous dream (which is now obviously a movie, and is now someone other than me) is sitting at a desk and talking on the phone. he's wearing Groucho glasses but on closer inspection the nose is a penis. he says: "I'm casting a sex change movie!" his tone suggests hope for his career, but the text tells us that he's grasping at straws.
3
i've come to the hospital to discuss a vasectomy. i was masturbating in the car as i park it and expect to continue later, so i'd like to avoid the inconvenience of putting away my erection. instead i cover it as i walk into he hospital; first with my forearm, then with one of my shoes, which i hold against myself as if it were a natural position to trying to unlace it, which is apparently what my fiddling is supposed to resemble. someone laughs at me on the way in. i'm not really embarrassed; i wonder whether the laugh is because i'm doing something silly with a shoe, or because of the entire charade.
i've gone in the wrong entrance and have to backtrack. i turn a corner and see Me-- from high school. there with her is Ki--. I say: "Oh, fuck."
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