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i am coercing a sunflower into a rose, for a magic trick where i will change it back. the petals are the hardest. i can't get them to curl and look natural. it is a physical process but i don't know if i use my fingers. finally i succeed well enough and perform the trick for a.; i pass my hand over the top of the flower and then release the change, and repeat for the length of the stem. a. is suitably impressed.
2
i am on a conference call, walking. i arrive down in the lab where the others are and we realize we can hang up the phone. i am being upbraided by e. for bad (lazy, naive) code. i have no conception of the right way to do it. i begin to describe my insufficiency in great detail, and apologize at length. this appears to be the end of the matter. e. has a face of a piece of lab equipment. his eyes are off center and consist of a two-digit LCD readout: 00. this is a sad look. e2. comes to hug him and he begins to sob.
i am walking out very distraught. i keep dropping to my knees as i try to walk. people can see and i'm not sure if i want them to. i'm not sure if i keep falling for show, or because i am genuinely weak with anxiety and shame. i come outside and fall again.
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