night of 12/8/2010

i am riding my bike back over the sandy yards of some beachfront shacks. it's new and shiny purple (like my kid's new bike). i slip in the gap of a misaligned fence and jam my bike. i have to extract first the front wheel and toss it out, then the rest of the frame. when i emerge the wheel is gone. i put the frame down to investigate it. soon the frame is gone too. it's obvious that the beach kids milling around are responsible. i begin beseeching them, threatening, yelling at them to give the bike parts back. mocking and disdain in return. i search for the parts and recover a few. it's getting late. i recall i have something like some classes to get to.

finally i recover most of the pieces hidden around the beach, and approach the two apparent ringleaders. two sandy blonds, slightly tan beach kids. they have marginally lazy eyes on opposite light eyes, mirrors of one another. i bend to study them closely, silently. one of them asks, "what are you doing?" "i am making sure i remember your faces. someday i will meet you again." this finally is enough to frighten them. one reaches into his pocket and produces the remaining pieces, segments of the chain. i dump all of the pieces into my shirt held up by the hem.

i walk into the house keening, sobbing. i glimpse guests down the hall, turning to see what the racket is. i run upstairs. i have realized on the way home (my old childhood home; the beach was also the main road in front) that i am in the process of missing my finals that day; the last of the three is just beginning and i wouldn't make it. also i didn't attend any of the classes all year. (the usual dream, except that i had some hope if only i'd made the finals.) that on top of the dismantled bike. janine says that j.(1) will be staying over. i don't know if she is embarrassed. i am embarrassed. i think she will disdain me, but possibly she is only trying to figure what to do. we'd recently sat with j.(2) who observed that i would resort to excruciating crisis to allow me rest and care.